S is for Surprise

Sometimes life surprises you. I'm starting to feel better about myself. I kept looking for help out there somewhere, but what I needed was to look in me. I've decided, and it's only taken me 45 years to figure this one out, that I have it in me to change the things I don't like in my life. Simple things like putting makeup on or washing the dishes by hand have made a difference. It may sound silly, but it seems to be helping.

S is for Static

I've been reading some blogs that I've been following. It's kind of nice to know that there are other people out there going through the same things I am. Maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am.

It has become easy for me to isolate myself from people and from life. I have my nice layer of fat that surrounds me and protects me from living life, basically. I use it to excuse myself from participating in activities, from being with people, from just about everything that inconveniences me. It seems that a lot of things inconvenience me. When did I become this person? Actually, I think I've always been this person. The question I should be asking is how do I become the person I wish I was?

How I Wish I Was:
outgoing
funny
carefree
patient
fit
spirited
sensual
organized
conscientious
healthy

I know there are a hundred more things I could add to the list, but I think I'll quit there.

S is for Spirit

I totally know what the "something" is that I've been missing. I've known it for a long time, but have been reluctant to admit it. I've been so focused on everything outside of me that I've neglected me. More specifically, I've neglected my Spirit. I take that part of me for granted. I forget that I need to pay attention to who I am.
I know that part of the neglect is because I have allowed myself to be influenced by my sister. She is so anti religion and anti god and I wanted to be "cool" like her, so I quit being me. Isn't that so junior high? I want to be part of the "in" crowd still at 45. Sad.
What do I need to do? Focus. Listen. Remember who I am.
How can I do that? Set aside time to read and think. Music.
When am I going to do it? I like the quiet of the morning.
Today I will find my recorder and my tapes.

S is for Surmise

We are all interconnected; our actions affect not only us, but those around us.

I've been thinking about that statement quite a lot this week. We had an incident at work on Monday and I am once again reminded about how vulnerable we can be because of other people's actions. I know that I have control of how I react to situations, but sometimes they take me by suprise and knock the wind out of me.

S is for Sardonic

Today is my 45th birthday. I was all prepared to have this new start, a new beginning, a great new year. I over slept and was late to work by almost an hour. When I got to work I knew that things were off, oh how right I was. Let's just say that we had a most stressful day that has not been resolved. Then the movie I picked out, "Bladerunner," was not the right movie. I was thinking about the movie, "Runaway" and everybody was bored to death. A sucky end to an even suckier day.
Oh well...tomorrow is another day...right?

S Is For Something...

I am totally and thoroughly stuck...how do I unstick myself? I need something...but I have no idea what.

S is for Served

Hey, here's a good one...got back from visiting family on Monday and was already in bed (I think it was between 8:30 and 9:00) when I heard a knock on the door. I just ignored it because I thought Jack would got it. He didn't say anything, so I figured maybe it was someone knocking on the neighbor's door. About 20 minutes later I heard the knocking again, so I got up and threw my robe on and went to the door half expecting it to be someone knocking on the neighbor's door. Some dude was there and asked "Are you K....?" I hesitantly said, "Yes." He handed me a paper and said, "You can contact them at this number or pay within 20 days." and he was off.

I stared at the paper not knowing what had just happened. I read it a couple of times before I figured out what it was about...I am being sued by Discover Card! What a bunch of idiots! I've been a customer since '92 and then last year ran into financial problems and tried to get them to take lower payments or at least drop the interest rate, but I kept getting the run around and got tired of being transferred and being told different things by different people. I gave up and just quit paying. I mean, what else could I do, really? Even if I sold everything I own, I couldn't pay them off. Blood from a turnip? I don't know what's going to happen next...